Racing Again...

Yesterday I ran a 10k - my first race in a loooong time. Which is really unusual for me since it's not uncommon for me to race almost every weekend, even twice in one weekend. But, for some reason, I have not wanted to race at all lately, including yesterday.

Actually, I can't honestly say "for some reason" because I very well know the reason: I was scared. I was scared of running a time I wasn't proud of. I was scared of embarrassing myself. I was scared of getting my butt kicked. And, I was scared to push myself to the limit and make it hurt. I lack the ability to show up at a race and just "run for fun" which results in putting a lot of pressure on myself every time I toe the start line. I don't just want to run a race, I want to run it fast.

I had started to psyche myself out early in the week. When the weather forecast was calling for rain on race day, I had told myself I would just bail on the race all together and use the weather as an excuse. I had a 24 hour stomach bug on Wednesday, and although I was feeling perfectly fine by Friday, I told myself I probably shouldn't race on Sunday because it would be bad for my health. I was making all kinds of excuses for myself not to run the race.

Finally, I put on my big girl pants, sucked it up and went to the race. I had a lot of friends running, the race director is a good friend of mine and the race was for a great cause - I needed to get over my ego and get my ass out there to support this event. If I got beat, I got beat. If I ran like crap or ran a personal worst, then so be it. But, I'd never know if I didn't at least try.

I made the decision to race without my Garmin or watch. I knew I would mentally start to check out of the race if I was seeing numbers I didn't like on my Garmin, so instead I would just run by feel.

And, you know what? I didn't run half bad. I actually wasn't too far off my 10k PR, and ran about a minute faster than I did at this race last year. I ended up 5th overall and first female in 41:14, and it's a legit course as far as being pretty hilly. Maybe I am not as slow as I think I am. And, I never would have known what I was capable of had I been a chicken and not gotten out there. Moral of the story: Don't let your ego get in the way; you're stronger than you think.

Racing yesterday got me excited again to start doing more of it. This Saturday I'll toe the line again at a St. Patty's Day 10k. I may have another good day, I may not. But, at least I'll get out there and try.