I'm back

So I should start by apologizing to my two blog followers who had the rug pulled out from under them when I mysteriously stopped blogging. It's been forever since I've even logged into this blog. I made it private for awhile, still not blogging during that time, but really just wanting to take a break from any internet presence at all. I needed a break - from blogging, reading blogs and really most things running related. Truth be told, after an overly ambitious racing schedule over the last few years, I lost sight of the real purpose to my running.

2013 has been a string of ups and downs - with running, with work, with life, and it's been hard for me to find my way. Running was something I could always turn to when I needed an outlet, and for many years I was able to find great fulfillment in PR's, good race times and grandiose adventures that most people thought were crazy. But the problem became that I was always looking for bigger and better. It became an endless cycle, and while I believe it's good to have goals, you also have to be prepared for (and be able to accept) failure.

I had big plans for 2013 - marathon PR's, a sub-19 5k, you name it. None of these things happened. And, it left me with feelings of inadequacy and an increasing level of dissatisfaction and apathy towards running.

Success breeds desire, after all. But what really defines success? I have to keep asking myself that. Sure, I have an armload of finisher’s medals that I am super proud of and I’ve reached many of the goals I set out for myself a few years ago. But is that what defines success? Is the point of all this running to beat your body in to the ground seeking PRs every race and longer and longer distances until the end of time? Or is it realizing your limitations, being okay with what they are and adjusting your running schedule accordingly?

I realized I am an all or nothing runner. I run my body to the point of exhaustion or collapse because I can’t shut off my brain. The endorphins are powerful and the feeling of accomplishment is hard to achieve anywhere else. But truth be told, running wasn't making me happy for quite awhile throughout this year. So, I took a break and dumped my training plans. Life is too short and too good to spend doing something that doesn’t make you happy, just because you feel the pressure (self-imposed or otherwise) to do it.

I was signed up to run the Baltimore Marathon in October. I didn't train for it, but still planned to run it. Until the morning of the race, when I changed my mind. I ran the half marathon instead. Slowly. Without a watch. Without my timing chip. I lined up near the back, in the last corral, and experienced the race from a totally different perspective than I ever had before. I enjoyed the sights. I enjoyed the people - most of whom didn't give a rat's ass what their finishing time was, they were just out there to finish a half-marathon. That was the accomplishment, not the time on the clock. I admired their laid back attitude, and remembered, I was once like that. They reminded me why I started running in the first place.

I came back from the trip feeling refreshed but still not motivated to train. I had the Rock & Roll San Antonio Marathon coming up only a few weeks later and waffled back and forth on whether or not I would just switch to the half or sit out all together. This race was a particularly tough one for me to wrap my head around because I did so well there last year that I knew anything short of that would be a disappointment, and well, since I had yet to do a single long run over 14 miles (and only two of those...yikes) I was pretty certain this would be my worst San Antonio marathon yet. I was scared of embarrassing myself, I was scared of whatever everyone else would think, I was scared of failing.

In the end, I decided to run San Antonio (which was this past Sunday). My decision came down to just a matter of keeping my goals and expectations aligned with what I could realistically accomplish and not letting my ego or what other people think I should be doing get in the way. I didn't wear a watch, I didn't have a plan. In true San Antonio fashion, we had horrible weather. Record high temps this year with 100% humidity. I mentioned in my Facebook status before the race started, I felt like I was going to be running on a wing and a prayer.

I surprised myself finishing among the top 10 women with a 3:24 on a tough day for everyone. Certainly not one of my fastest times, but one of my most proud. I am so glad I got out there and didn't let pride or fear of a "bad" finish time get in my way. Sunday reunited a spark in me as it helped me remember how much I truly love running marathons. I may still have a PR left in these legs, I may not. But I am not going to let that deter me from trying. I will not be afraid to fail. And, if I fail, if my best races are behind me, then that's okay too. I will accept it and continue to be thankful for the gift of running.

I saw the following post on Facebook, and I couldn't agree more:

*Races are experiences. Embracing those things, the high fives with kids, the music, the spectators, the volunteers, the spectators, just makes the race that much more rich.

*Running is a gift. Don't take it for granted. I'm potentially looking at a second surgery on a running injury and having to be honest that I may be hanging the shoes up soon. I love this sport. It's been so good to me. If you're healthy, soak it in. 

San Antonio Rock & Rock Marathon

A friend I made along the way. We ran together from miles 7-12, until he turned off for the half.

This is fun!

Pre-race dinner with friends

Sadly you missed our post-race karaoke rendition of piano man...so sorry for you.

Post-race celebration with friends

Three Things Thursday

Well, hello! I've been bad about updating this little piece of Real Estate over here. I've been busy! In typical Erin fashion, I can't say no to anything which has resulted in being on the go from 4 am to 7:30 pm most days, only to shower, scarf down dinner, walk the dogs and do it all over again the next day. I'm not complaining though - I enjoy being busy, especially when I am doing things that make me happy. And, with Dan in season right now, it gives me something to do since he has long days on the golf course coupled with a lot of travel in the Fall.

So, quick update:

1. This week wraps up my 3rd month of Camp Gladiator Boot Camp. I honestly never thought I would love it as much as I do. Had I not won a free month in the first place, I never would have even tried it out. The workouts legitimately kick my butt (last night we did over 500 squats in the workout - no joke) and I have a lot of fun with them- part of that is due to the trainer - she comes up with some rock star workouts. I typically do boot camp 4 evenings a week on top of running, and I've really started to notice a change in my body. New muscles! I also really enjoy Camp Gladiator for the social aspect. I have met some great people. It's been really interesting to meet people from different fitness backgrounds - I've self admittedly always been a running snob so it's been good for me to see that running is not the only way to be fit. I've even been convinced to try a Piloxing Class tomorrow evening. Who am I?
   
   
2. I'm teaching now! Admittedly, for awhile now I have been feeling kind of blasé about my job. Not because I dislike it, but I began to feel like I was stuck in a bit of a rut - same thing every day, not challenged as much anymore, and beat down by the politics and red tape involved in a government job. Yet, when looking at other employment options there wasn't anything I found that provided the stability, salary or other benefits that I have at my current position.
   
   So, I began to look inside the organization to see how I could use my skill set in a way that would excite me. And, I was lucky to find something - turns out we have a Wellness Committee and they were looking for people with a vested interest and experience to jump start some programs for our new City-Wide Wellness Program. Since I already lead a Tues/Thurs morning run group that I am passionate about, my idea was to start a beginning running program for City employees (similar to Couch 2 5k program) to train participants for a November 5k. So, I am now teaching a Tues/Thurs run group during lunch for employees, as well as a Core Fitness Class on Fridays after work called "Healthy Happy Hour."
   
   This is all volunteer but it's really good for me. I tend to keep to myself at work, so this allows people to see a different side of me and gets me out of my shell to get to know other people in our organization. Plus, it's truly rewarding to watch people meet their fitness goals and change their lives - that's the best thing about it all.
   
   
3. Running - it's happening, though it's not been my focus. The past two weeks I've finally got my mileage back up in the mid-50's, but it's been nothing spectacular. I am not following a plan, and so if I miss a long run (or several) it's been no sweat off my back.
   
   Right now I've really been enjoying pressure-free running. Over the past few years, I have sacrificed my my body, and my heart for this sport and if I were to be honest, I do not always feel like it was worth it. Since I don't plan on having children, I am calling this training cycle my "maternity leave from running" and took advantage of the opportunity to try out other things.
   
   How does this bode for my Fall marathons? We'll see. I'm doing enough other training where I am not concerned about my fitness level or ability to complete a marathon. The big question mark is my speed, and in that case you get what you put in - and my effort level can be best described as "half assed" most days (yet, I go give 110% at boot camp every time, so it's all about attitude for me right now... and I've clearly proven to myself that I don't have the desire to let Garmin paces dictate my life right now).

That's all folks! I hope everyone has a great Labor Day weekend!

Camp Gladiator Games 2013 (Pre-lims)

I came, I saw, I conquered. Well, not really. 

As I mentioned in my last post, last Saturday I was headed back to improve my times in a nationwide fitness competition, the Camp Gladiator Games, to try to place in the Top 50 and advance to the finals where I would compete for money.

And, damn it, I gave it my best effort. Saturday I re-tested in all 6 events and improved in all 6 events (even the bear crawl which I initially didn't think I improved in). But, my best wasn't enough and I just missed the cut.

As competitive as I am, and as frustrated as I am that I did so well in some events but so abysmal in others, I am proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone and trying something new. Until a few months ago, I had never done half of these activities, and if nothing, I learned there are definitely DIFFERENT types of fitness. I may be able to do an Ironman or go run a marathon, but I sure as hell can't run 100M fast and I sure as hell suck at the bear crawl.

Thanks for my expert photographer and awesome husband for taking the time out of his morning and coming out to cheer me on!

100M Dash: This was my worst and the most frustrating event for me. People I beat by several minutes in the mile, just cleaned my clock on this event. I had the hardest time going from a standstill to full out sprint. I felt like I needed a running start :)

If it looks like I am in pain, it's because I was.

 400M Run Carrying 50pd Sand Bag. This, and the mile, were my best events. I had hoped my high scores in this would carry me enough to overcome my scores in the other events, but no such luck.

Agility Cones: This was a very technical timed event. You had to shuffle back and forth (DQ if you cross legs or turn body) and turn over and put up the cones 20 times. If the cones touched the white line at all you were DQed. I did much better than I thought at this event.

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The Bear Crawl dragging 50 pds the length of a Football Field: This was another disappointing event for me. I have endurance and strong legs so I really thought I would do well in this event. It was much harder than I thought it would be. There was definitely a technique to be successful at this that I did not master despite 3 attempts. 

Hating life.

 Sandbell Toss the length of the football field: This was another technical event that was much harder than it looked. Also, another event that hurt me as I needed to be a good 10 seconds faster. There were several rules (i.e. had to be a chest pass, feet could not leave ground while throwing) that I became so focused on not breaking that I wasn't taking advantage of my full speed and strength.

Suck it Sandbell!!

Mile Race: This was the one event I was excited about -even though in my running mind racing a mile is still wayyyy too short - but I knew it was really the only event that I was somewhat comfortable with and might have a chance to excel. 

Finally leading the pack at something! :)

I am excited to come back next year and try my hand again now that I know what to expect. I do think that there is also some strategy to it all and I became such an eager beaver that I just wanted to try everything over and over that I wore myself out by the end. There were several opportunities to test and re-test so a lot of people would come and only test in 1 or 2 events and then come back another day when rested to do others. I have such an endurance monster mindset - all or nothing I guess - that I thought nothing of trying to cram my best efforts into all events on the same day. Heck, I warmed up 4 miles before the event even started. Maybe not the smartest move, but I am not always the brightest ;)

Thanks for reading!

Three Things Thursday

Since I have four unfinished posts sitting in my "draft folder" with about a 2% chance of getting finished, I'll just roll with the "Three Things Thursday" List...

1. Yesterday morning at approximately 6:45 AM in Austin, I bear crawled across the length of a football field (goal post to goal post) dragging 50 pounds of weight that was harnassed to my waist. Actually, I did this twice. This was after racing a mile, running the 100 M dash, running 400 M while carrying a 25 pound sand bag on my shoulders, attempting to be graceful and quick doing the agility cones and doing the sand bell squat, toss & run (twice) the length of the football field. Add all of this to the list of shit I never thought I would do.

2. The aforementioned was part of a competition I am competing in. Yesterday and Saturday are the preliminary rounds, and if I can finish in the top 50 nationwide, then I will advance to the finals in September and compete for money. My system was completely shocked yesterday, and I was thrown completely out of my element. Gold star to me for trying something new but this stuff is A LOT harder than I thought it would be. I consider myself fit, but holy cow, there are some super athletes competing. Humbled and a bit deflated describe how I felt leaving yesterday morning. The good news is that I can go back on Saturday and re-test to improve my times, and I am hell bent to do so to see if I can make it to the Top 50 (which, I would really need to bring my A++++ game on Saturday). The finals are a lot more endurance based (i.e run a 5k carrying a 25 pd sand bag on your shoulders,) so if I can make it there, I think I may have more of an advantage with my endurance background.

Also - side note - my 100M Sprint time was embarrassing. Especially since I consider myself a strong runner. I got my a$$ kicked. WTF. I am well aware that I am not a strong sprinter, but I had hopes I could at least compete in this. The frustrating thing is I wasn't smoked when I finished but I didn't feel like I could have gone much faster; I could have kept running at the pace for at least another 200 meters. I guess I'm just missing that fast twitch muscle speed.

3. I currently do not have a marathon training plan. I scrapped the plan I was using; the high mileage wasn't working for me this time around, and to be honest, I had other things I was having more fun with than running 70 miles per week. My current mileage is pretty low (for me). I'm running around 40-45 miles per week. I'm supplementing my mileage with boot camp and swimming. For example, yesterday, I ran 7 miles (broken up as 4 miles in the morning, 3 in the evening), competed in above mentioned events in the morning, and did a hour boot camp class in the evening (running 3 miles beforehand). I am counting this all as time on my feet, even though it's definitely not all running specific (we do a fair amount of running in boot camp but it's mostly sprints). I have no idea how this will plan will pan out for me come marathon time, but I'm enjoying what I'm doing so I'm not really concerned (right now anyways!).

Happy Thursday!

Oh Hey Internet...

My mom emailed me last week to let me know I needed a new blog post. So, here it is. Hello. I'm still alive and well. I'm not injured. I'm not sick. I'm not pregnant. None of these are reasons for my lack in posting. I've just been busy. Busy running. Busy swimming. Busy boot camping (my new love, by the way. Camp Gladiator - love.it.) . Busy working. Busy spending time with my family and enjoying the summer. And, well, in the free time I do have, I haven't felt compelled to sit in front of a computer and write about my training (it's really not that exciting anyway!).

I will say that I have been a lot more laid back with my training this time around, and maybe that's part of the reason I've felt it not to be document worthy. Maybe I'm tired of constantly chasing the clock or putting so much pressure on myself to attain an arbitrary number; maybe it's a little bit of the "been there, done that" feeling; maybe I've found joy in new challenges such as swimming and boot camp; or maybe I've just remembered how to run simply for the joy of running. Whatever it is, my attitude has been different with this training cycle, and I believe it's for the better. I'm still working out hard (and maybe harder than before if that makes sense?), but my focus hasn't been a narrow tunneled vision on running. I'm still training for Fall marathon(s), but right now, I have no plan of attack. No goal in mind. And that's alright by me.

So, here's what I've been up to, in pictures.

Went to Dallas for Dan's High School reunion. Proof that I do own non-workout attire!

4th of July Fun Run with friends.

Showing my patriotism on the 4th

Photo Booth fun at Dan's High School Reunion

Won a 5k!

Randomly got to meet the lovely & sweet blogger Lauren on a run Friday at Brushy Creek. She was in town from Dallas and I randomly decided to run the Brushy Creek trail after boot camp and there she was!  So awesome! Small world :) 

Hanging with my buddy :)

Until next time! :)

And so it begins...

Today marks Day 1 of an 18 week training program for the Baltimore Marathon. But, if I'm honest, today really marks about a 9 month marathon training block as I find myself registered for marathons in October, November, December and March. Though not all will be PR attempts, I'll still need to be putting in the work as we all know marathons aren't an easy task.

Today is bittersweet for me. For the past 2 months, I haven't been running a whole lot. 4-5 days a week and only 1 or 2 runs were over 11 miles. I've been swimming instead, and doing a boot camp (which I will review in another blog post) but for the most part, I've been sleeping in on the weekends, have had little regard to nutrition and just doing whatever the heck I want. It was a break I needed, and a break I enjoyed (probably too much). Point blank: I have a lot of work to do over the next few months. It will require early mornings every day of the week (there is no sleeping in when trying to get a long run done in the Texas summer), it will require dedication and hard work and it will require focus.

I'm ready though. As much as I enjoy being a sloth (well my version of a sloth - Dan argues I still work out more than a normal person even when I'm not training for something), I can only go so long before I crave the hard training, structure and routine necessary to prepare for an event like the marathon.

I decided to follow the same plan I used last year training for Baltimore (stick with what works?) - Pfitzinger's 18/70 plan. I'll continue with swimming and boot camp for core work/recovery. Once August hits, I'll have the opportunity to start training with the local college cross country team coached by my incredibly talented friend who is a 5 time Olympian (but you would never know it from talking to her because she's so humble). If chasing around college kids about 15 years younger than you isn't motivation to get faster, then I don't know what is. I'm really excited for this opportunity as I know it will push me outside my comfort zone, which I seem to have a hard time doing sometimes.

This week kicks off with a challenge of back to back races this weekend - a 5k on Saturday on a particularly tough course and a triathlon (my only one of the summer) on Sunday. Let's not talk about the fact that I haven't been on my bike in a year... guess I'll be winging it :)

LET THE FUN BEGIN.

Three Things Thursday

(or otherwise known as random things no one cares about)

1. I am addicting to buying those subscription boxes that seem to be popping up everywhere. I am definitely an advertiser's dream, otherwise known as a sucker, with these type of things. If you don't know how these boxes work, you pay a monthly fee/purchase a subscription and get a box full of surprise goodies in the mail each month. So basically it's like Christmas! My husband (obviously the Grinch in this situation) thinks they are the biggest waste of money, but you can't reason with a sucker so...

Right now, I'm subscribed to three boxes: Stride Box (geared towards runners), Kona Kase (nutritional products) and yesterday I (shamefully) purchased a one month subscription to Bark Box (goodies for dogs...this is what happens when you don't have kids - you buy shit for your dogs). 

Stride Box: I have an on-going monthly subscription for $15 a month. It's a mix of nutritional items and other cool gadgets for running. Kona Kase: I purchased through a coupon deal in which I got a 3 month subscription for $24, so $8 per month. It's all nutritional products and for the price I definitely get more than I could purchase for $8 in the store. Bark Box: I had a coupon for $10 off and just purchased a one month subscription yesterday. It's a little more pricey than the others, and I knew Dan would be less than thrilled that I am purchasing subscription boxes for the dogs, so I just did a one month subscription (which I haven't gotten yet but am excited!). I will say I have been turned onto some really good products through these boxes, my favorite being Bonk Breakers Energy Bar. SO GOOD.

TRY THESE!

Just a disclaimer: None of these companies are paying or compensating me in any way for these reviews. These are just my opinions. I think they are a good deal, while my husband thinks they are a giant rip off so there ya go...

2. About 2 months ago at a race, I won a free four week session to something called Camp Gladiator. They describe themselves as an "award winning outdoor boot camp." I had heard of them before as it has become pretty popular in the Austin area and beyond. I haven't had much interest because one, they are pretty pricey ($160 for a 4 week session) and two, I've always been a little wary of boot camps because unless it's really going to kick my butt, I'd rather spend my time running. But with the expiration date nearing, I decided to go ahead and sign up for my free 4 week session. It starts on Monday, and I am interested to see what it entails. If nothing else, hopefully it will force me to do some core work that I haven't been doing on my own. And, if it sucks, well, no money lost.

3. I don't talk about swimming much on my blog, but I have been doing a ton of it. I'm in the pool 5 days a week or more and swimming on average of 17,000-20,000 yards a week. Some weeks I am swimming almost as many miles as I am running. The irony of it all is that I am only doing 1 triathlon this summer and the swim is super short - 500m. Yet my shortest swim workout in any given week is 3,000 yards. So the purpose of all of my swimming? None other than I have come to love it. Some days more than running. WHO AM I?? My goal by the end of the summer is to complete a 10k swim in the pool (100 x 100 workout). The downside to all my swimming is that I have semi-permanent goggle marks under my eyes, and I always reek of chlorine (impossible to get rid of of - I've tried).

I hope everyone has a great Memorial Day Weekend!