Dear Flash

Dear Flash,

Thank you so much for waking me up the past few mornings at 3am, especially this morning since it is Saturday. Even though you're still amazed that I come home every evening, you still have the uncanny ability to know when I plan on sleeping in. Not only that, but you don't even need me to let you go outside to pee since you have a dog door at your disposal. Instead, you woke me up with your incessant whining to let me know that I was sleeping SOUNDLY in your spot. Let me tell you something Flash, when I rescued you from the animal shelter a few months ago, this was not what I had in mind. You've been a great dog, but this has to stop.

P.S. - I'll be sending you my Starbucks bill for the past 4 mornings. I took the liberty of ordering caffe americanos....double shot no less. I think it's the least you could do for me.

P.P.S. - I'll be sure to return the favor, too. I'll interrupt you when you're licking the spot where your nuts used to be.

Sincerely,

Your Master