Poking Fun at Myself

When Dan and I first started dating, and later since we've been married there have been times when he's turned to me and simply asked "How did you function on your own?" I always punch him in the face tell him to stop picking on me when he asks this, although I must admit there is some validity to the question (and believe me, Dan is serious when he asks this).

I'll be the first to admit, I am book smart but lack general common sense. Particularly on matters that do not interest me or I don't understand - for instance, cars, home improvement and financial garble.

This will make me sound incredibly spoiled, but whenever I had a problem I just always called my Dad. "Hi Dad. It's Erin. My car won't start. What do I do?" When I was too far away for Dad to come to the rescue, I called my landlord.

True story. Before I got married, I had no idea how to plunge a toilet. I didn't even own a plunger. So, whenever my toilet would get clogged in my apartment, I would call my landlord who would send the maintenance guy (Sabino) over to plunge my toilet. This would happen at least once a month. One time Sabino simply left me a note that said "Too much toilet paper." I really never thought anything of it until it Dan was over once and the toilet got clogged and I told him I would just call Sabino. Dan was baffled that I 1) didn't know how to plunge a toilet and 2) would call the landlord when my toilet was clogged. He went out and bought me a plunger and told me never, ever, to call the landlord again for a clogged toilet. Apparently that is both inappropriate and disgusting. Looking back at it, I feel really bad, but thought not a thing about it at the time.

Since I got married, my Dad luckily has escaped my pleading "HELP" phone calls, and now I just call Dan. Hell, I don't even know how to change the tires on my bicycle... So, needless to say whenever we have any sort of household emergency...I just call Dan.

So, imagine my distraught when I woke up in the middle of the night, it's in the 20's outside, the heater is not working, it's 58 degrees in the house and Dan is out of town in Las Vegas. It was about 3 am last night when this discovery was made, so I chose to hope it would fix itself and put on multiple layers, corralled the dogs in bed with me for body heat and went back to sleep. I got up at 4:45 am for run group, went to run, came back and now it was 57 degrees in the house. It's 7 am - 5 am in Vegas - I pick up the phone and call Dan. "Hi. It's me. The heater's not working. It's 57 degrees in the house. What do I do????? Why aren't you picking up? By the way, it's 57 degrees in the house and supposed to be only high's in the low 40's today. Okay, call meeeee. We are cold."

I went to work, came home during lunch to a still cold house. I get on the phone with Dan who tries to talk me through some quick fixes, but nada. So, since it's going to be 22 degrees tonight, I decide to call a repair man. This is actually a guy we've used before and he's really honest, reliable, etc. He walks me through some trouble shooting actions on the phone, but to be honest I'm not getting his techy repair lingo, and determine that no, the heater is still not working. To which he says, "Okay, I'll be there within the hour."

About 15 minutes later I notice it getting warmer in the house. I listed closely from the vents, and hear a little purr but not it's normal roar. On the bright ride, it's now 61 degrees in the house. I call Dan "Hey, so I think the heater may be working but I'm not sure and the repair guy is on his way. What do I do?" Dan - "So, it's getting warmer and you can hear the air circulating?" Me - "Yes, but not a loud roar. But, now it's 63 degrees in the house." Dan - "Then the HEATER IS WORKING." Me - "okay, bye".

So, then I am forced to call the repair guy back hanging my head in shame "Hey-o, my heater is working now. Thank you so much. You don't need to come by and fix it, and thank you thank you, I'll call you back if it stops working again!" To which I am sure he replies to himself "IDIOT."

I got off of the phone wondering, "how did I ever make it through life on my own...." :)