DNF

This is an extremely hard post for me to write. And, I promised my husband I won't make it a long one as it's our last day in Phoenix, and I am determined to make it a good one.

I've literally done hundreds of races in my lifetime. I've powered through an ironman, a 50 miler, countless races in god awful heat, etc. And, I've never quit a race. Never. I've never DNF. Today I did. It is an incredibly hard pill for me to swallow.

What happened? My body said no way in hell are you running 26.2 today. My body is a stubborn mother fucker. Today is not your day it told me. And, I acquiesced.

Earlier in the week I mistook some soreness in my hip/glute region as just soreness. I chalked it up to just soreness, nothing more. By Thursday, it was still lingering. Bad. By Friday I started to to think it may be a pulled muscle. I rested Thursday, Friday, Saturday. I took Advil. I prayed I would be good to go on race day. Unfortunately, I wasn't.

To be honest, today has all been a blur for me: all I  remember is the feeling of defeat that came with pulling out of the race at mile 16. I remember the tears, the humiliation and the defeat I felt in not finishing the race. The race was delayed 30 min in starting - I could blame that. Say it threw me off my game. I could blame a lot of things. But, the truth is: there is no one to blame but myself.

I could say my injury is a freak one; but, it's not. It's a result of improper rest and  recovery. I am stubborn and I do not know when to say when. So, i f you can take anything from this, it's do not as I do, but do as I say. Constantly pushing yourself to the limit without proper recovery WILL catch up with you. It did to me today.

I started out today just fine. Phoenix is flat and fast. Perfect for a PR. I was running the first 7 miles at 7:14 pace. Then pain hit. My hip/glute area was so tight that it was sending shooting pain up and down my left leg. My shins started to shoot with pain as well. I started to alter my stride. BUT Nothing was going to stop me. I could run through this.

I was wrong. By mile 10, I was in dire pain. A concerned police officer told me I looked very wobbly running - was I okay?? Sure, I told him. I'll be just fine. I'm Erin. This isn't my first dance with the marathon.

Mile 12 - I can't do this anymore. I am basically limping mile to mile and I am defeated. Unfortunately, the marathon and half started different places, so there is no option for me to turn off and run the half. Tears are streaming down my face. I am praying that this too shall pass. It did not.

I start to bargain with myself. Just one more mile. One mile at a time. You have to make it to the finish line.

At mile 16, I lost the battle with myself.

I made the decision to pull off at a medical tent and call it a day. I immediately burst into tears. A nice med tent aid told me "Don't worry, you made it 16 miles! What a great accomplishment." I was very thankful for her kind words, but I wanted to tell her, "I am Erin! I don't quit! This is not me!"

The ride back to the finish line in the SAG vehicle was humiliating  for me. My husband was waiting at the finish line for me. My mom was awaiting texts via the tracking. They would be so disappointed. And worried. I let everyone down. I sat in the SAG van and cried. And cried. The very nice gentlemen who also DNF put things in perspective for me. He told me  these things happen and I am my hardest critic. And, though I blew it off at the time, he is right.Thank you kind sir. He had run 50 marathons, and his words were very comforting to me.

There is no room for self pity after today. I have not treated my body kindly. I have not recovered as I should after big races. Eventually, my streak of good races was coming to an end - and today it did. All I can do is move forward. I will live to run another day. That's all I can ask.

Thank you to everyone for your support and kind comments. I am very lucky to have such awesome people in my life.