Up until last Friday, I had been sleeping pretty peacefully. On Saturday night, however, the pre-race nightmares begin. No, I wasn't having nightmares about the marathon I was going to run the next day in crazy temps, instead all my thoughts were focused on JFK 50. I tossed and turned most of Saturday night, waking up in the middle of the night terrified out of my mind about this task that I have undertaken.
The past two nights have been more of the same. I have had a few recurring dreams the past few nights: we get lost on the way to the race (not uncommon if you know my parent's sense of direction - sorry Mom, it's true) and I am finally dropped off near the starting line but can’t find the other runners. Also in a recurring dream, I slept through my alarm, and I missed the race that I have spent months training for. I’m not usually prone to nightmares, in fact I rarely remember my dreams. But, I remember dealing with the same types of dreams before my Ironman: I think it's just the fear of the unknown eating away at me.
In another dream, I had neglected to buy energy gels for the race. Last night I had a dream where I show up to the starting line sans shoes and have to run 50 miles barefoot.
The last few nights I've find myself wide awake at 3:00 or 4:00am. My mind was constantly occupied with various thoughts: “am I ready?”, “can I really do this?”, “what will the weather be like?”, “what will the pain be like?”, etc… Some of those questions still remain unanswered going into the race but I’ve accepted the fact that they can only be answered once the starting gun goes off.
Looking back, the journey has been incredible. I have learned much, laughed often, loved deeply, smiled widely, hugged warmly, shared openly, and trained hard. I’ve made new friends, renewed old ones, juggled responsibilities, managed and mismanaged time.
My life has been immeasurably changed by the journey and enriched because of each and every person I have run a mile with or who has provided encouragement along the way. For that I am eternally grateful.
Here's to a good night's rest from here on out!
Great post Erin. I had my first nightmare last night. It centered around stomach issues which I don't normally have - but practically everyone I know who raced last weekend was dealing with that. Have a safe trip!
ReplyDeleteHave a safe trip and best of luck to you on Saturday! Hope those nightmares go away so you can get some well deserved rest in these last few days!
ReplyDeleteI've been having nightmares too, so I guess we're all normal....or as normal as people who want to run 50 miles can be. :)
ReplyDeleteAt least if you forget shoes, you wouldn't be the only barefoot person, lol.